Celebrations

Tonight my parents are throwing a Christmas party. They spend $100's on food and they spend days getting ready. A party is a great way to enjoy the company of friends, but what are we celebrating? What are they celebrating? This is suppose to be a Christmas party for their business, but what differentiates this party from any other party? My dad spends a little more money on steaks and the people invited have never been to our house before. The even is Christmas, but it's likely that no one will even pray before the meal. Christ will be the last person on anyones mind. Everyone will be concerned with etiquette and the amount of money in their Christmas bonus.

I would like a celebration to be a true celebration. Let's forget about the money and the food and focus on the relationships we have with each other. Let's think about others for once, let's think about the birth of Christ and what He means in our lives. Let's have a meaningful conversation. But this is how I am. I like deep conversations about life and philosophy and art and the fabric that weaves our lives together. I hate inane chatter. It's boring. It's pointless.

Moving onward from this to other....other being some observations. I have noticed that I hardly talk to people around me. I am afraid to talk about my dreams or my thoughts about life with my family. I think that they will judge me and disregard what I say because I'm me. They have these prejudices against me and the prejudice gets in the way of what I say and think. I have prejudices as well towards them. They may change but in my mind they are the same. I don't trust them because of the past. It's not fair for me to withhold information from them based on my past experiences. I am the person who has changed. What they say in response to me should not deter me from speaking. I'm learning to live without the acceptance of others. That's what it comes down to. I want to be accepted and they probably won't accept me if they know what I'm thinking or what I want to do in my life. Their opinion of me shouldn't matter. If I am secure in myself and I know who I am (or as much as I can know who I am), then what they say and do is separate from who I am.