Back to my process of change. I am moving from Texas to Minnesota. I made a similar move last year, but for very different reasons. Last year I moved to go to treatment for my eating disorder. This year I am moving to go to school again. I am excited and nervous and scared all at the same time. All of the emotions I am feeling have rendered me somewhat paralyzed. I know the steps I need to take to get myself to MN but I find me holding me back. I want to stay and I want to go. I want to go because I have these big dreams and I believe that going out there in the world gives me a better chance to reach my dreams. I want to stay because there are people I love here. My parents are here and my grandparents and my animals and my brother isn't far away, but they will always be here, a phone call away.
I've observed that I'm a sensitive person. I'm a very sensitive person. I feel so much. I've tried to deny this part of me my entire life and it's only hurt me. It's only led me to deny myself. Over Christmas I literally felt my soul crying out to me. It felt as if it was begging me to listen to it. I felt this strange need to sit with myself and just be still. Be quiet. As I sat in the quiet of my room a picture came to me of myself crying to me. It was so strange. I was in a black room all alone crying to myself. I realized after seeing this image that I need to be more gentle with myself. I need to listen my body and it's needs. The soul is connected to the body and the mind and the heart. They are all connected. I have tried to separate them and now my soul is crying.
These are just a few of the observations I have made recently I have many more to write about since I have been gone for a while, but I need rest.
Laina
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